


What Do You Do?

by Mafief



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Drunk John, Drunken Shenanigans, Gen, Googly Eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 14:04:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15487479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mafief/pseuds/Mafief
Summary: Googly eyes make stuff come alive.





	What Do You Do?

**Author's Note:**

> This is unapologetically crack. Inspired by “[Googly Eyes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjFJCZCHzNY)” by Caspar Babypants.   
> Fulfilling the JWP#29 2018 prompt: I Swear To Drunk I'm Not God. Get someone plastered in today’s work.

John stumbles against the steps and leans against the wall collecting himself. What was the rest of that song, the one where that goes ‘early in the morning’? Or something. Oh well, thinking and walking and humming are best as separate activities. 

Before entering the door to the flat, he hears Sherlock’s voice and another growly voice. John opens the door to see Sherlock standing in the middle of the flat and a fluorescent orange hat at his feet. 

“Got anyone up here? Thought I heard someone,” says John, stepping forward.

“How was Lestrade?” Sherlock deflects, uncomfortable about something John is not going to try to figure out at this moment. Instead, he picks up the hat and spies two googly eyes just above the Nike swoosh.

John would like to ask “Where’d ya get googly eyes?”, but the seam below the swoosh opens and the hat begins to growl at John. 

“What the -!” John drops the hat and it scurries off. Sherlock pounces on it before the hat reaches the couch.

“Help! Help!” cries the hat.

Sherlock rolls his eyes and takes off the googly eyes. “Oh, do shut up.”

The hat ceases to struggle and falls limp in his hands. 

John blinks. He looks from the limp hat to his flatmate and back again. He mentally makes sure that yup, he is drunk, but hallucinations are not really his norm.

“I can explain,” says Sherlock. 

“Tea would be better,” says a sultry voice from the kitchen. 

A laugh comes from his chair. Followed by another one that John thinks is coming from a wiggling sock on the floor. 

“Uh, oh. Someone’s in trouble,” a high thin voice says mockingly. John is convinced the seam below to googly eyes on Sherlock’s chair is smirking at him. Even Sherlock’s chair is a jerk. “Sherlock, you’ve got some explaining to do. Best… Get on it.”

This sets off another round of laughter through the flat.

John rallies his best glare and aims it at Sherlock. “Talk.”

Sherlock extends his hand, palm up and John sees two googly eyes that were previously on the hat. “It’s the googly eyes; they make stuff come alive. Well, in practice, it is more complicated. The placement is critical and-”

“What kind of stuff?” John grabs the googly eyes from Sherlock’s hand. He looks distinctly at Sherlock’s crotch and back up to his face.

“Inanimate objects. I’ve tried living.”

That image flashes in his brain and John blinks. “You’ve what?” 

“What? No, focus John. Inanimate objects only. I’ve put them on my hand and it didn’t make my hand talk. Which is unfortunate because it would be interesting to talk to my own hand.”

John decides not to think about any of this too hard. Right now, thinking is on the this-is-too-hard list. That is the best decision about the ridiculousness of this all. He convinces himself that in the morning the googly eyes will be gone, and all of this would have been a very strange, drunk induced dream. For now, he might as well join in.

John giggles at the googly eyes in his palm. He turns and goes into the kitchen. The whistles and cat calls are from the kettle, which seems appropriate to John as he is the one that primarily touches that appliance. He whistles back at the kettle and begins rummaging in the cupboard. 

“There you are my pretty.” John pulls out a bottle of rum and pats off the dust in exaggerated movements. 

Sherlock follows. “John…” 

“Nope, none from you,” John says as he sticks the googly eyes on the bottle. 

The sticker pulled away from the bottle and formed a mouth. “Arrr, what’ll you have matey?”

John’s half giggles morph into full body shakes as the bottle shouts, “All hands-on deck!”

“Sherlock, the bottle is talking in pirate.” John gasps out between giggling fits.

Sherlock frowns, clearly not seeing the humour in this situation.

The bottle hops about, clearly agitated. “Yarrr, and I’ll plunder this town before you know it you son of a bilge rat!” 

John picks up the bottle. “Nope, I think not.” He unscrews the top and takes a swig. The bottle grumbles its displeasure. “Now, bottle piratey-thingie, I think a song is best. What do you do with a drunken sailor?”


End file.
